Or Not
by theoretical pyrohobbit
Summary: Sora finds out the hard way that things are not always what they seem. Rated M for language, adult themes, and a bit of violence. Mainly Riku/Sora but mentions and maybe will have more of AkuRoku, a bit of Cleon, and a tad bit of Valenwind.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy.

**Notes: **This is my first fic, and I hope you like it.

**Prologue**

The wind blew steady and cold across the field, the moonlight pouring through a gap in the clouds, illuminating the white hair of the otherwise practically invisible figure prowling through the darkness.

The figure walked, his gait that of a man deep in thought, but his body seemed to know well where he was going. As though this path he travelled was a well worn one. He eventually reached the edge of the plain, where the grass faded away into bare rock, and looked out with unfocused eyes on an abandoned building resting at the base of a bend in a steep, narrow valley that the cliff overhung.

He stared unseeingly down into the valley, a deep crease in his brow, thinking hard. Then he gave a violent start, seeming to notice where he actually was for the first time

He hadn't intended to come out here. He merely had wished to step out of his oppressive and lonely home for some fresh air, and his feet had carried him here on their own accord, his body taking over while his mind was elsewhere.

He had been thinking about what he needed to do to prepare for the following months, as new regulations on food and water rations and other such things were being brought forth. Not a pleasant topic for him, merely reminding him even more of the predicament that he and the rest of the world was now in.

His eyes darkened then, looking at the building, its dark windows looking like dead, vacant eyes. Perhaps that was why his feet brought him here, because he had been thinking of the world predicament. But it mostly had to do with this very building.

Nestled in between two jutting walls sticking out of a bend in the valley, the building was there, practically built into the opposite wall of the valley. Most people did not know this building even existed, and anyone who did see it would imagine it was haunted by dark spirits; a rumor that was encouraged by those in high power and definitely not hard for people to believe these days.

But he knew what was hidden in that building.

He knew that the doors had been locked tight, keeping anyone curious enough out, but also to keep in what was once the only hope for the survival of these worlds.

The one who would save them all.

The one who would banish the darkness and bring back smiles to everyone's faces.

Unfortunately though, it was more like the one who _could have_ saved them all. He _was once _the only hope for the survival of the worlds. It could have happened. But it didn't. Now there was no hope.

He was no fool like the others that hid in the darkness, waiting for the right moment to strike, waiting for help that would never come. He had once had a vague, secret hope, at the very beginning; one that slowly dwindled as the days progressed, but with the death of the king came the death of his hope, along with the freedom of the worlds.

And the savior that they had all yearned so desperately for went down with them. Left alone to die and not even aware of it.

He gritted his teeth, knowing that he, for one, was partly responsible. The savior that was left to die had also once been his friend.

And he knew that now, selfishly, he missed the latter more than the former.

He would probably give most anything to have a friend back. But a savior he had given up on long ago. He knew he would screw the rest of the world over if he had to choose.

He suddenly wondered if things had been different, if he had been smarter, faster, or more powerful perhaps he could have saved him. If he had been a different person he could have saved him, could have kept him. If the savior had been a different person…

_NO. _

_STOP. _

_This is ridiculous. What happened happened, and, yes, if you had been smart enough you could have saved your friend rather than your own sorry ass, but you weren't_. _Now there is nothing you can do!_

_End of story._

_End of hope. _

_End of life. _

_It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing does. All that is left is death and darkness. _

And most times it was difficult to tell which one he was in right now, although he figured death would probably be a bit warmer. He shivered.

_Bah. Time to go. It's too cold. _

_Too many ghosts here. _

With a weary sigh he deliberately turned his back on the building to walk back to his home, rubbing his hands together for warmth and shaking from the bitter cold.

He cursed himself for coming out here and putting himself in a bad mood. Now all the work he had to do would take even longer to do, he thought bitterly, not to mention he hadn't really come to a conclusion of what to do for the next few months.

_Should never have come out here..stupid feet guiding me here! Why did I come? Stupid ghosts clinging to the edges of my mind! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY!_

Grumbling and grinding his teeth, he continued on to where the grassy field ended in large broken rocks. The path home wound behind the rocks and continued on into the settlements where his lonely home awaited him on the outskirts.

He stopped here, at the edge of the field, his shoulders stiff and his body rigid, as though fighting with himself to keep on going, his eyes shifting to look behind him. Giving in, he turned and looked to where he could see the edge of the valley he stood on earlier.

A wave of nostalgia rode over him, and he realized that this was probably the last time he would come here. Indeed he wouldn't have even come tonight if he hadn't been so distracted.

Suddenly a sad, pained look came over his face and he looked beyond the edge, he couldn't see it, but he knew the building was there, and he mournfully whispered,

"Goodbye… Sora."


	2. Chapter 1: Out of the Cave

**Chapter 1: Out of the Cave**

_I've been having these weird thoughts lately… like is any of this for real… or not….? _

Sora hadn't thought about those words in a very long time, but they'd come back to him lately and lurked in the back of his mind, nagging him.

He had returned back to the islands with his friends, reverting things back to the way they should have been.

Now everything should be nice and pleasant and they should live happily ever after.

…

Right?

It didn't seem to be so. Being back at the islands after so much excitement and adventure was, quite frankly, boring. Sitting around on these islands all day, ones that he and the others had originally been planning to leave right before everything went crazy.

But boring he could get used to. He would adjust to it and go on with his life eventually. That wasn't what was bothering him. What was bothering him was something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Something was wrong.

He leaned down and picked up a smooth flat stone and skipped it out over the water, scowling.

Something about this place, about this situation, was ever so slightly off. So slight he couldn't even name what it was.

He had only now noticed it, now that they were back in the peaceful boredom of the islands. They couldn't quite go back to racing and playing pretend sword fights, not when they had had the real ones. Not when they had had to be serious about it. So they sat, and thought, and talked.

And something was off. He was sure of it.

It was little things that got to him. Things that seemed to be missing from before. But it had been a few years, and his memory wasn't the best ever, so perhaps he was just slipping up.

But honestly, what bothered him most was Riku.

Everyone he was with, Donald, Goofy, King Mickey, and especially Kairi were prone to making ridiculous statements about friendship and the power of the heart. Not that he wasn't guilty of that too, not that he didn't believe it, but it was when Riku started doing it that he was worried.

Riku had always been an awesome badass fellow, Sora would grudgingly admit. He didn't say stupid stuff and he didn't do stupid things (aside from the whole giving into darkness thing). Overall though, if you ever said something about the power of the heart, he'd scoff at you for being so corny, and Sora had figured that no matter what they went through, Riku would always be like that, it was just how he was.

But ever since he had found Riku again, Riku hadn't been doing that as much. He'd said some corny things. Of course, Sora would excuse him since Riku had kind of been a complete asshole to him earlier on, so a bit of corny friendship talk was to be expected.

But now? Several weeks later? When they were back on the island?

This was only one of the many things that bugged him about his new peaceful life, but it was the only one he could really point out validly, but even then you could say that Riku had just changed. He had been through a lot. Perhaps Sora was just having a hard time accepting the change.

Or maybe he just didn't want to.

Sora had always taken Riku's haughty coldness for granted. And he had to admit to himself that it was nice to know that there was still someone that would laugh at his words but was still his friend.

Someone who didn't think the sun shined out of his ass, but rather insisted that the sun in fact shined out of _his _ass and thought that Sora should act accordingly. It was nice, really. A change. An equal perhaps.

But now things were just all weird. And Sora would not like to accept the change in his hard-headed friend; he honestly thought it could never happen.

So maybe it wasn't real.

Which had brought him back to that dream he had had, and those words he had said.

It made him think a lot, really.

_Oh come on, Sora, this is ridiculous_! He was probably just being paranoid. Just not accepting. He would get used to things. He just had to wait.

He sighed and looked down at his feet slowly sinking into the sand and started to walk down the beach.

He was getting depressed, and with nothing to do to distract him from it.

Suddenly he felt quite lonely. He decided to go find someone to talk to. Turning and looking down the beach, he spied a familiar head of white hair near the paopu tree.

He smiled, banishing all the depressing thoughts he had had earlier, and took off running towards the tree. He ran down the wooden walkway leading to the smaller island and when he got to the tree he leapt over it and leaned against it, his hands coming to rest comfortably behind his head. Riku was lounging on the tree next to him, staring off into the sunset.

For a few minutes they sat in a comfortable silence, then Riku broke it tentatively.

"Nothing's changed, huh?" He said wistfully.

"Nope.", Sora said, finality in his voice, "Nothing will."

Peaceful silence passed between them again, and Sora relaxed even more, thinking that perhaps he could get used to this boredom faster than he originally thought.

"What a small world…" Riku almost sounded sad when he said it.

Maybe Riku was feeling the boredom as well.

"But…part of one that's much bigger" he replied, nodding, trying to remind his friend of all the worlds that were waiting out there for them.

"Yeah" Riku said, a smile in his voice.

More silence passed, and then a thought occurred to Sora.

Turning to face Riku, he said, "Hey Riku…what do you think it was – the door to the light?"

He stood up straight as Riku jumped down from his seat on the tree, watching him questioningly. Sora's eyes followed Riku's hand as it reached out and pointed to his chest.

"This."

…_What?_

He glanced up at him, making sure he hadn't missed something.

"This?" His hand coming up to touch the spot where Riku had pointed, looking up at Riku with confused eyes for confirmation.

"Yeah. It's always closer than you think." Riku said confidently.

_Uhhhh….What? Did Riku realllly just say that? _

He looked back up at Riku, somewhat lost, but seeing Riku's hopeful face, he forced himself to grin for him.

"SORA! RIKU!"

Sora's head whipped around to see Kairi running towards them, holding something in her arm. She charged up to them, and Riku and he stepped closer to her as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Hey, what's up?" Sora asked, politely urging her on.

"Look." She said, holding the bottle out to him.

Sora looked at it and saw a small scroll inside of it. He was unimpressed until he saw the familiar small three-circle design sealing the scroll. He gasped.

"From the King!?" he said, grabbing the bottle and pulling the scroll out. He felt Riku take a step closer to him to read over his shoulder.

Sora stared for a while at the page, transfixed.

_Huh?_

It was blank. Completely blank.

_Wha-Whaaaat?_

He assumed Kairi and Riku were just as speechless as he was. Was this some kind of joke?

"What do you think this means?" He asked. "Do you think this is some kind of joke? Do you think the King is ok?"

Silence met him. He frowned, angry at them, they couldn't be _that_ shocked.

Turning he said, "Hey, Riku, what do you think this- ?" He stopped. Gaped.

Riku was still staring over his shoulder, as if reading the paper. But now Sora had the paper crumpled up in his fist, and had turned to the side. But Riku's eyes were still staring where the paper had been, a look of curious interest on his face.

"….Riku…?"

He turned quickly to the other side. Kairi was the same way. Still staring where the paper had been.

"Riku! Kairi!" He reached out and shook Riku's shoulder, but he didn't budge, not even a bit. He tried the same with Kairi.

They were completely frozen.

"Hey! Snap out of it!! SERIOUSLY!!" Sora tightly clutched the bottle still in his hand, the blank letter still crumpled in his other, panic starting to close in on him, suffocating him.

He backed up, shoulder hitting the trunk of the paopu tree, causing him to bounce off and start to lose his balance. He fell onto the ground and the bottle rolled off into the grass under the tree. He turned to grab it and happened to glance at the water down below the edge. He froze.

The water wasn't moving.

Panic completely settling on him, he jumped up and clutched the side of the tree for support as he started to sway, lightheaded.

He glanced back at Riku and Kairi, their eyes still glued to where he the paper had been moments before, a spot between them for where Sora should have been.

_Wha-wha-whatttttt!?!?! Why is this happening!? _

Tears starting to gather in his eyes, he ran up to Riku and Kairi again, shaking them violently, trying to get them to wake up.

"RIKU!!!! KAIRI!!" He cried, tears finally falling, "What the hell is going on here!?!?"

He looked around frantically, his hand still on Riku's upper arm, afraid to let go. He had to get help, but he didn't want to leave them like this. What if something happened?

"HELLLLPPPP!!!" he cried, "SOMEONE!!! ANYBODY!!! HELP!!!"

His words almost seemed to echo off of the air around them.

Frantic, he looked around wildly. Surely Wakka or Tidus or Selphie, SOMEONE would have been here.

_Ok, OK, CALM DOWN, just go look for Wakka or someone, you can still see them from here._

He looked at Riku and Kairi one more time.

"Ok, guys, I'm going to go get help, alright? Don't go anywhere, I'll come back for you!"

He ran off down the walkway, running down the beach, looking for Wakka or someone, pretending to not notice that the waterfall was no longer flowing, the water stuck where it had been.

He rounded the corner to the wooden deck that Selphie and Tidus had often hung out on.

No one was there.

Swearing loudly, he turned back and briefly contemplated jumping in one of the boats at the dock and returning to the mainland for help, but he didn't want to leave Riku and Kairi.

He scrambled back onto the wooden bridge that led to where they were and ran back up to them. They were still stuck. The whole world seemed to be stuck. He shifted back and forth in front of Riku and Kairi, trying to figure out what to do.

Suddenly the world moved very fast as if charging forward to make up for lost time.

Riku and Kairi both snapped their heads up, then as the world gave a big lurch, jerked forward.

"Sor-" jerk "wha-" jerk – "penne-" jerk "ra!?" Riku managed to yelp out as the world stopped and started again continuously.

Sora, stepped back, freaking out.

The world jumped forward again, and Riku was on the ground, seemingly having passed out.

Kairi lurched towards him, fear on her face, hand out, "SO-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA---"

The world went black.

Breathing heavily Sora tried to recover from the shock of what just happened. He found he couldn't. He was practically hyperventilating.

_Wha-wha-what just happened..? I-? They-? Shit!_

"…Riku…?" he called tentatively, "…Kairi…?"

He couldn't see, hear, or smell anything. It was like he was in immense darkness, completely swallowed by it. He wanted to cry, he might already be crying, but he couldn't feel anything if he was.

Suddenly he was cold. Very cold. Like he was sitting naked on metal. He started freaking out again.

_WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?_

He looked around, straining his eyes to see into the darkness. Getting colder and colder. The nerves in his body seemed to be becoming hyper-aware of surroundings that he couldn't see. He could now only partially control his arms and legs, feeling as though he was restrained, like his arms were trying to be flattened to his sides.

He panicked completely, feeling like he was going to pass out, not sure if he would be able to tell if he did. He was cold and his body seemed to be giving up on him, feeling things that weren't there. Then several things happened at once.

His feet were suddenly tight together and his hands were snapped to his sides, his back ramrod straight, and he got a sudden sense of claustrophobia, like he was trapped in this immense darkness inside some tiny closet somewhere.

He also became aware that his eyes were closed.

He tried to open them, but found he was having difficulty, as if they had been closed longer than they had been open and the concept was foreign to them.

He pried his eyes open and pale light reached them. And it burned. He cringed, turning his head away from the light, but finding that his neck was so stiff, that he instantly cricked it.

_OW! SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHERE AM I!?_

He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath.

_Ok, come on, just calm down and slowly start moving, you're freaking out._

He cautiously opened his eyes a bit, just enough to let a little light in and waited for his eyes to adjust. Then he slowly started flexing his fingers and toes and stretching out his legs and arms ever so slightly. He found he was pretty tightly fit into some small space, his movements somewhat restrained.

Having very slowly regained feeling and use of his arms and legs and having managed to open his eyes fully, he tried to figure out where he was. He seemed to be in some box-like thing, but there was a pane of what he assumed to be glass in front of where his face was, his breath fogging it up as he leaned closer to peer out.

He appeared to be in some sort of lab. Wires and large tv screens crowded the walls, showing lines of data and small images that his weak eyes couldn't make out from here. There appeared to be no one there, and from what he could see of the light source, it appeared to be night.

_Where I am? _

He tentatively raised his hands, still stiff and slow, and pushed against the front of the container he was in. Expecting it to be locked, he was shocked when the door easily swung open, cold air hitting his body full force.

He shivered and wrapped his arms around himself, muscles protesting the action.

_Geez…it's like I haven't used my arms in years! Why do they feel so weird?_

He leaned forward to step out of his little cell. His bare foot touched the cold floor and as he shifted his weight onto it, it shook and then gave way completely, leaving him in a crumpled mess on the floor.

He groaned, throat itching from the sound. His entire body ached and his joints burned.

_Why can't I stand up? Can I walk?_

Trying to stay calm, he slowly grabbed the door, and barely managed to pull himself up with his weak arms. Hunched over the door, clinging to it for dear life, his knees wobbling dangerously, he shivered violently.

_Why is it so cold!? Argh!_

He tried to take a shaky step, and found himself stumbling and crashing into a table nearby. His limbs felt too long for his body. Looking down he realized that he was naked.

_Well, no wonder it's so cold…_

He also noticed that he seemed to be taller than he remembered, having always been the short one.

_Huh. I'll deal with that later, right now I need to find some clothes and find someone to tell me what the hell is going on._

He looked around, hoping to see clothes lying around somewhere, but it looked like the lab was pretty neat and straightforward when it came to anything besides machines.

He spied a small closet thing near the back, a locker perhaps, that he could look in to find something warm. He tripped and stumbled towards it, trying to walk on his own feet, but finding that he more fell from one support to another. He scowled.

_GAH, I feel like a drunk chocobo._

He painstakingly managed to make his way over the closet, all but falling into it when he got there. He seemed to have gained a bit more strength in his legs. Just a bit.

He opened the door of the cabinet.

_Ah-HA!_

There were some lab coats there, next to some black leather robes. With a shiver he realized that the black ones looked kind of like the robes Organization XIII had worn.

_Is this something they did? Are they involved?_

He opted for the lab coat, regardless of how warm the robes looked. He'd be dead before he wore something like that.

Pulling the lab coat around himself, he looked around for something to tie it with. Spying some loose wires on a nearby table, he grabbed those and tied them around himself.

He looked down at himself. He was still pretty cold, and he had no shoes, but this would have to do for now.

Now the problem was getting out of here. Those robes had scared him. He thought he had defeated the organization. He and Riku had finished off Xemnas, the last member, not that long ago. He didn't see how it could be possible, but he really needed to get out of here if they were somehow involved.

He stumbled towards the door, trying desperately to be quiet. He opened the door out into a dark hallway. Peering left and right, he stumbled across and caught himself on the opposite wall.

The place appeared to be deserted. He hobbled along, clutching the wall for support. He came to an open area with a few windows along the side. He struggled to look out of it, and was faced with a blank rock face, and what appeared to be the bottom of a desolate, deserted looking valley. Panic started to lap at him again.

_Seriously, where am I? I have to get out of here._

He tried to take a step back to go look for an exit, but his weak legs suddenly gave a spasm, and he lost his footing and tumbled forward straight towards the window he had just been looking at.

CRASH

He smashed into the window and frantically tried to grab the windowpane, his hands snagged broken glass instead, sharp pain exploding in his weakened hands. He fell out of the window and landed heavily on the ground two stories down.

He was completely winded, his body had failed him completely, and his hands were cut up pretty badly. Testing his arms and legs gingerly, nothing seemed to be broken, but it hurt like hell, and he was having problems breathing. He had to get out of here.

"What was that?"

_Shit_

Sora scrambled up, trying to get away, slipping on broken glass and stumbling along, trying to force his uncooperative body to get up and start moving fast. He could barely walk, let alone run, but he forced himself, practically throwing himself forward, trying to get away from the window. He was almost positive it was a guard who had spoken, and he would be making his way over here pretty soon to investigate the noise.

He frantically ran forward, running into things left and right, bouncing off of a rock wall only to smack into another. He stubbed his bare toe on a particularly jagged rock and was sent tumbling to the ground. He looked down at his feet, they were bleeding too.

He kept on going, needing to get away from there. Trying to run and limping heavily while he was doing it. Several times his foot caught on a rock, or his legs would give out again, and he would fall flat on his face, or would barely catch himself on the wall of the valley. By the time he got near the end of the valley, he was completely exhausted and pretty badly cut up.

He finally managed to make it out of the valley, fumbling and stumbling into what appeared to be the slums of a city.

He stared.

The place was a mess, trash and junk everywhere, small huts for houses. The shadows almost seem to move and whisper around him, like a crowd of invisible people. He shivered. It was still really cold, and his legs were shaking violently from the overexertion he had just put them through, his whole body quaking from the effort to stay upright.

He was heaving for breath, and his hands hurt like hell, blood stained the lab coat he wore, the red contrasting sharply with the white, and his back still hurt from the fall. Not to mention his weak body still ached and burned.

_What the hell is going on? Where are Riku and Kairi? Why am I here? This has to be a dream! I wish I would just wake up!_

A lump formed in his throat, and his sensitive eyes burned with tears. He realized he was dead tired and wanted nothing more than to sink to the ground, curl up and sleep.

But he would probably die from exposure. He needed to find somewhere he could rest that had at least a little bit of warmth.

He looked around; all the buildings here looked dead and unwelcoming, windows darkened and foreboding. He forced himself to walk on, grabbing onto things and leaning heavily as he went along.

Forcing himself not to panic again, he focused solely on finding somewhere to stay. He got into an area crowded with more buildings and what looked kind of like a town square, or what was once a town square. He was reminded of last time he woke up in a weird place, in Traverse Town.

_At least there had been people that time. And it was warmer. And I was clothed._

He pulled himself along, trying not to think about too much. He just needed to get somewhere first.

"-ere would you like me to put this, Chief?"

Sora froze.

"Eh? Ah, just put it somewhere on that shelf over there! I'll get to it when I got more time!"

Voices. And one of them sounded kind of familiar.

He looked around frantically and finally saw lights in a window of a shop. He straightened up, joy filling him at the prospect of finding someone else who was warm and alive. And even better someone he might know! He scrambled over to the door, and struggled to pull it open, but it wouldn't budge. He looked up and saw the sign said CLOSED.

He thought about knocking, but he decided to go in the side door he had seen earlier. So, clutching the wall, he edged along the side of the building and reached the door. He struggled to pull it open but finally managed it. Doing so had weakened him even more though, and he pretty much fell into the store, all but collapsing on the floor.

Warmth from the inside of the building washed over him, and he sighed a breath of relief, confident that he would at least make it through this night, if anything. His hands didn't hurt so badly anymore, and fatigue settled in on him almost instantly, pulling his eyelids down. He wanted to just fall asleep here.

_Ahhhh, now I can finally rest a bit, then figure out what the hell is going on here, maybe I'll even get some fo-_

"EH!? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN' 'N MY SHOP!?!?"

_Crap._


End file.
